


We fight, we break up/We kiss, we...

by w_x_2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Arguing, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_x_2/pseuds/w_x_2
Summary: The second time around Dean doesn't have as much patience in explaining what is going on, so when he's finally wrestled the angel down and Sam has come to the surface, Dean keeps it simple.“There's an angel inside of you, expel it,” Dean demands as he keeps the angel blade by his brother's neck just in case the angel decides to show back up.“What?” Sam confusedly asks as he blinks like he's just woken up from a deep sleep.Dean leans down in rage, right over his brother's face, nose to nose. “Say no right now, Sam!”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not my characters, no harm intended, no profit made.
> 
> Title from Hot n Cold by Katy Perry.

The second time around Dean doesn't have as much patience in explaining what is going on, he's in pain and he has a searing rage inside of him that is still growing. So when he's finally wrestled the angel down and Sam has come to the surface, Dean keeps it simple.

 

“There's an angel inside of you, expel it,” Dean demands as he keeps the angel blade by his brother's neck just in case the angel decides to show back up.

 

“What?” Sam confusedly asks as he blinks like he's just woken up from a deep sleep.

 

Dean leans down in rage, right over his brother's face, nose to nose. “Say no fucking right now, Sam!” Dean demands with a loud and infuriated, but clear voice, pressing the blade in ever so slightly and grabbing one of Sam's shoulders in a death grip to get his meaning across.

 

Sam makes his grumpy hurt face but gets a move on, and Dean then performs the necessary ritual so that the angel ain't ever coming back.

 

“Get off me,” Sam demands when it's done.

 

“I fucking hate you,” Dean says in a scathing tone as he gets up from his brother's stomach where he had been straddling him to the ground.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about 'cos I'm pretty sure the only reason I had an angel inside of me is because you tricked me into it!” Sam replies accusingly as he points a finger up at Dean but otherwise stays laying down in the same position Dean had left him in.

 

“Of course I did, you would have never accepted an angel inside of you otherwise.” Dean crosses the room so he's on the other side, and throws the blade away because the death grip he has on it is not a healthy one.

 

“Why would I?” Sam protests.

 

“Because you were dying, that's why!” spit flies out of his mouth as Dean angrily answers. “And guess what! I may have been tricked by the angel, but I'm glad I did because at least he was in there long enough to heal you up. Otherwise you would have died. Dead died. Completely. For Good. And what's worst, if I'd told you, you wouldn't have fought for your life, because you, you never fight, you would rather be somewhere else, you would rather die and never come back than live. Because for you, for you this life ain't _ever_ good enough!” Dean claims with a croaky voice.

 

Sam stands silent, quiet, sitting up while Dean rants.

 

“And I for one am fed up, I love you man, I really do. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty you never fight for us, you would rather lay down and give up. You have given up on me so many times, but me, I've always come back for you. And you know what, it fucking hurts, it hurts so much you've made me _hate_ you.”

 

“Dean.” Sam's brows furrow as he gets ready to speak.

 

“No, Sam,” Dean interrupts. “I've had enough, you have until we open the gates of Heaven back up to decide whether next time - _after_ the gates open up 'coz I need your help and you ain't got no choice until then- if you wanna die for real or if you want me to bring you back, and also whether you will bring me back or not if it's me kicking the bucket because I need to know if I can count on you. If I should keep on loving and fighting for you or whether this is all for naught.” Dean paces the floor as he speaks, and although he's distracted by his thoughts he still makes sure to keep a good knowledge of where he is in the room at all times in order to stay far enough away from Sam so as not to wrangle his brother's throat which would be very likely to happen if he was to get near enough. “Because goodness knows I have tried! I have tried being alongside you, I have tried letting you go and be gone,” the ways in which he's tried roll off his tongue without him even having to think about them, “I have tried living a normal life at your request, and I have tried to leave you and be away from you. But then, every single time, I end up coming face to face with you and it _all_ comes back. Doesn't matter how hard I've tried, or what I have done to forget how much I love you because it all goes down the drain and I am yet again left having to fight myself to stay away from you whilst being so close. So you need to tell me what you want once and for all because I am tired of choosing for you, and I am tired of loving you so much it _hurts_ and I am exhausted of feeling like I am never good enough and you making it so that I hate you and I hate myself for feeling like this.” Dean gulps, blinking once, as he stands paralysed for only a few seconds.

 

 _Everything_ came out.

 

Gods, that wasn't exactly what he had planned. He pales, he knows he does because he feels real lightheaded at the implication of Sam _understanding_ exactly what Dean's just said. “Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take a ride because there's way _too much_ in here,” he says gesturing wide with his hands in the air before he walks off and away from Sam. He's on the verge of crying and Sam is not deserving enough of seeing him so broken right now.

 

“Dean,” Sam calls when the older Winchester is already by the door.

 

Dean shrugs it off and walks outside.

 

“Wait,” comes Sam's voice and damn Sam's long legs because Dean can't walk away fast enough to put distance between them before Sam catches up in fewer strides.

 

“Not now,” Dean growls as he tries to pull his arm away from Sam's grasp.

 

Sam holds on tight though and Dean is forced to stop his feet but that doesn't mean he's just gotta give in. Instead he brings up the hand of his free arm to the hand that's keeping him in place and grabs and wriggles his fingers to try and get himself loose.

 

“Just listen.”

 

“Lemme go,” Dean orders. “That's what you do best so why can't you do it now?” Dean bites.

 

“That's not fair,” Sam argues.

 

“Oh no? You didn't stay up here shacked up with a woman and a dog without ever looking for me for a whole year?”

 

“I apologized, and I explained.”

 

“What's the point in apologizing if you're just gonna do it again?”

 

“I know that you're trying to make me forget-”

 

“No,” Dean retorts as he still tries to pry Sam's fingers loose. “I am not trying to make you forget about the fact that I fooled you into letting an angel inside of you because that angel saved you and I don't care that I have offended your princess feelings. You are my brother and if it was up to me I would never let you go. But you clearly want something else!” Dean exhales loudly as he finally looks up from his arm to Sam's face with a deadly gaze because Sam's grip has turned even tighter and Dean is gonna have a hell of a bruise.

 

“What I want is _sick,_ ” Sam reveals in a rough tone. Sam steps closer and Dean is forced to further bend his head back to be able to keep looking at Sam's gaze. “I've tried ignoring it, and I've tried lying to myself. Mostly I've tried running,” Sam concedes with a sad expression. “And I have _always_ fought with myself,” he admits and then sighs. “But clearly it was for nothing because you feel the same way.”

 

“W-What?” Dean asks as he flounders and relays what Sam has said all over again in his head, eyes looking everywhere to try and find the truth because what he's understood can't be it, but it feels like the floor is moving underneath him and that the world is spinning around him and oh, when did his breathing start doing _that_?

 

“The Winchester brothers,” Sam starts in a twisted tone. “In love with one another.”

 

“N-No,” Dean shakes his head.

 

“And I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life and afterlife.” Sam knows his brother too well, knows that Dean will be able to piece it together even in his _condition_ –very near hysteria– and hear the _you're an idiot_ at the beginning of that sentence.

 

“You don't mean that,” Dean denies. “You're just saying it because you- you-”

 

“I...?” Sam tests. Dean doesn't answer and Sam's grip loosens to bring both hands up to Dean's face, a hand on each cheek, thumbs rubbing the skin as he leans down to bring their faces closer together and then waits until Dean's gaze finally settles back on his. “What reason would I have to lie?” Sam asks with a soft voice.

 

Dean blinks, and then blinks again. “So help you God if you're lying,” he warns in a frightened tone.

 

“I thought there was something wrong with _me_ ,” Sam rolls his eyes when he smiles. “But it's ok because it's not just with me,” he murmurs.

 

Dean watches as Sam's eyes fall down to his mouth and Dean reacts without thought, tongue running across his lips to wet them.

 

“Prove it,” Dean breathes in what sounds like a begging tone to his own ears.

 

“I'll prove it alright,” Sam promises as he finally closes the gap between their mouths.


End file.
